My 2013 So Far: With Pictures!

This year started out with a lot of change for me. Or at least it felt like a lot of change happening at once. The Spring Semester classes were starting and for the first time I was taking them all on campus instead of online. My daughter was starting preschool/daycare full-time. And I know that it might not seem like much, but it was –  because previously I took most of my classes online and when I did have a class on campus a babysitter watched her only while I was in class.

And to top it off my sister had just been stationed at Fort Bliss Texas and my closest friend would be going with her husband to Fort Hood Texas in a few weeks – my two best friends were suddenly going to be very far away from me.

It basically took me the entire month of January to feel like things were some form of normal. That my schedule and life had balanced out.

One day after I picked my daughter up from daycare, we stopped at a park area along the way. We found out that it was the site of an old mill that had used the river for power. The wheel was even still preserved there:

My friend was also able to come and see me on her journey down to Texas. It was great getting to spend that time with her. I only wish there could have been more time:

On a humorous note, I also found out that my 6′ 2″ husband can fit into my car trunk with room to spare. I now know how many people I can fit into my trunk – ya know, in case I need to perform a kidnapping:

We went to an awesome Hello Kitty birthday party for my friend’s daughter. I think my own daughter had a lot of fun…and cake:

My brother rode the Amtrak train for the first time and came to visit during his spring break, and was here for Easter. We took a fun hike up a trail that led to some beautiful cascades. It was too cold then, but when the weather is warm enough I want to go back and play in the water:

My daughter participated in the neighborhood Easter egg hunt and found a winning egg! Her prize was this rock n’ roll themed basket. She loved it:

I finally became enough of a fan of something to buy a t-shirt! I absolutely love ABC’s “Once Upon a Time” and was excited when I heard Hot Topic had come out with shirts for it! I wanted one of the other styles, but this one was the only one in my size by the time I got to the store:

I signed up to do the Color Run 5k coming to my city! Although I hear that most people do not actually run, it has given me great motivation to become more active and I have taken to running a few miles a week. In honor, I got some new bright and comfy running sneakers and a pedicure to match:

A couple of weekends ago my parents and brother came to visit to celebrate my birthday with me:

The morning of my birthday my daughter gave me a surprising gift. She decided she wanted hair like daddy’s and tried to cut it herself. Her attempt looked something like a mullet/rat-tail combo and I wish I had taken a picture of it. This is the cut she has now after the salon stylist fixed her up:

For Mother’s Day my daughter had a sleepover at my mother-in-law’s. She ‘helped’ her grandma frost some cupcakes. And she helped her great-grandmother collect eggs from the chickens:

Now I am enjoying the last few days before my Summer Semester classes start. I did well last semester and made the President’s Honor Roll, so I am hoping to do just as well with these classes! Wish me luck!

A Fibromite’s Dream

credit: Let’s Raise Awareness About Fibromyalgia Facebook Page

 

May 12th is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. Just like breast cancer awareness turns social media pink during October, fibromyalgia awareness groups are encouraging us to turn Facebook purple for the month of May!

 

This is important to me because I have fibromyalgia and it is a daily struggle. For an explanation of the condition, see this post.

 

Why do we need to spread awareness? Because there are many people who do not understand this condition; worse there are people who think it is made up and all in our heads. We just want your support. We want your compassion and understanding. More than anything we need you to understand what is expressed in the graphic above; that we do not want to be this way. If we had any choice in it we would be all better and would no longer feel the pain, fatigue, cognitive disruption, and sleep problems that we deal with every single day.

 

If you would, please do your part to spread awareness.

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Facebook Posts in 2017

A small creative exercise I did in my writing journal and this is what I came up with:

• “I love my job! Be jealous “
• “Very excited to see what the future holds since we have elected an Independent for President”
• “10 wonderful years with my husband! <3″
• “Ariyanna just got on the bus for her first day of 3rd grade! I cry every year.”

 

How about you? What are some posts you can imagine yourself writing sometime in the future?

So I Gave a Speech on Mindfulness

I have a public speaking class this semester and the class recently presented informative speeches. I’ll admit that I procrastinated writing my outline but I couldn’t decide what topic to speak on! This is the third public speaking class that I have taken throughout high school and college and I’ve always done what felt like serious subjects and this time I really just wanted to do something light and fluffy. I was trying to decide which of two things I like to use as my topic: Cirque du Soleil and rollercoasters.

Before I knew it I looked at my calendar and realized my outline was due the next day! Crap! So I settled on talking about my favorite rollercoasters but it felt empty. I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s the best way I can think to describe it. Last minute I switched it up and chose to speak on Mindfulness, specifically what I felt to be 3 of the top benefits: stress relief, compassion, and less interpersonal conflict.

I knew my subject well and felt that I presented the speech well.  In fact I now know I did well since I received an ‘A’ (Yay!). But the immediate response stripped my confidence. First this guy let out a loud snore which he tried to make into a compliment by saying my voice was rhythmic and soothing and made him want to fall asleep (I think that was a compliment at least). But then this same guy followed that by telling the professor he had been in a mindfulness workshop at the Veteran’s Center once and thought the whole thing was “…a load of new age crap like that Scientology stuff”. No one else in the class had any comments to make and I think it stung the most because he kept going on with his opinion and I never seemed to get the opportunity to correct the misconceptions he was saying were fact.

Because here is the issue with his opinion on Mindfulness – It was based on limited knowledge of the subject. He had attended one workshop. I also know that the way Mindfulness is taught in these workshops and even the way it is taught in some therapies is not full Mindfulness. They teach you some Mindfulness meditations to use for a certain purpose like to lower anxiety or decrease anger – They teach it to you like it is a tool to just pull out of your back pocket when you need it. But Mindfulness isn’t supposed to be used like that, it is meant to be a way of life and a change in the way you think. Sure it’s nice to have that tool ready to calm you down but what if you were able to change your thinking so that you were less likely to even begin to feel anxiety or anger? That I feel is the difference.

I wasn’t really upset with this guy in my class. I felt him running off at the mouth the way he did a little rude, but I wasn’t mad at him. I was, and still am, a little irritated with myself that I didn’t choose a different focus for my topic. I had thought that presenting some awesome benefits would make people want to find out more about it. Instead I want to kick myself now for not just giving my speech on the true message and idea of Mindfulness.

The point was to get a good grade and I did that. But I am still disappointed that my message seems to not have been understood by my audience. I’m hoping that at least one person in that class understood me and maybe even looked into it more, even if they didn’t speak out. That’s all I can do – Put the message out there and hope open minds will receive it.

Dear Friend,

Reblogged from Hot Pink Graffiti:

I'm not sure when it happened, but lately, a lot of the people I communicate with treat me like I'm their personal therapist. The only catch is I'm not making the big bucks, sitting on a plush couch, drinking mocha lattes, and scribbling notes into a yellow legal pad about how often they speak in the past versus the present tense.

Read more… 973 more words

This is a great post on one aspect of friendship when you're in your 20s. I completely relate to the author and what she has to say here about being the stable, logical, listening-ear to your friends and the emotions and frustrations involved in that. I could have written something like this myself. Instead read this author's well written explanation!

An Almost Butterfly

I almost started writing a post about what’s been going on with me since the start of this semester. The business and mostly all the changes that seem to have happened all at once this month.

But something more important came to mind. Something I’ve wanted to share with someone very important to me but I think is a message that others need to hear.

Sometimes life gets you down. I’m not talking about it in a cliché way either. I’m talking about when life tries to beat you up. Throws you down, runs you over, backs up, and crushes you all over again. Even the most optimistic optimist is going to struggle. One thing after another weighs on you, hurts you, makes you sad, leaves you feeling alone and pulled under the tide.

Nothing I can say is going to snap you out of that. There is no snapping, it’s gonna be a process.

Nevertheless, I kept seeing this “anonymous” quote and thinking “I need to share this with my friend, because it seems symbolic of her struggle”.

And here it is:

Thank you Google Search for this pretty image.

*insert a bazillion cheesy sayings about a light at the end of the tunnel* I think this one is the best at conveying this message – One day you will wake up and find yourself to be a butterfly and those caterpillar days far behind you!

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Just In Time for 2013

acoustic fender guitar DG-4/TS (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I achieved my 2012 New Years resolution just in time! I wanted to get a guitar and learn how to play it. Throughout the year I did a lot of research on good guitars and lessons. But I never got around to actually buying a guitar. Then, Christmas morning there was a pretty sunburst acoustic Fender under the tree with my name on it!! Thanks to my husband I get to learn something new I’ve been really wanting to do! So he’s awesome

I’ve decided not to make any resolutions for 2013. While not a bad year, 2012 was full of changes from start to finish. I just want some consistency this year. I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing, working towards health and inner peace and of course continuing education.

I wish everyone luck and blessings and happiness in 2013!

Happy Anniversary to My 2 Cents!

yummm

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of this blog!

It has definitely been a year of change. The way I wrote my first posts are different from how I write now. The page theme changed from pretty flowers to an energizing green. There’s been a slight shift in direction – when this blog started it was something like a mommy’s diary now it is a better representation of me as a whole person.  And for those of you who have been reading for a while have witnessed my own personal changes, you’ve been a witness to my journey.

Thank you to all of you who follow me, for those that like my posts, for those who comment, and the people whose only footprint is in my stats information

It has been a wonderful thing to feel like I’m connecting with people, that some of you have found value in what I say. I hope to continue being a voice that others appreciate and to improve both as a writer and as a person!

Thank you again to all of you! I hope that you all have happy holidays this season!!

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Friends Forever? Part 2

I’m not really sure how to start this post. Been staring at the screen wondering where to begin. I want this to be a clear and concise (as much as it can be) explanation of my thoughts and feelings and not a jumble of emotional vomit.

Which is why I thought I might never write this post I am writing now. I’ve felt that there was no way to express myself in a way that would be appropriate to share like this. That my emotions would be too raw and I’d spew all my pain and hurt and in the end the effort would have no purpose. I’ve spent the last few months working through it all, writing in my journal to gain clarity. About a month ago I realized I was ready to share. Like people who write letters they never send but light them on fire or set them floating down a river…this is my letter and my readers are the fire.

Some things just aren’t meant to be. We can want them but they aren’t going to work for us. Sometimes there are things and people in life that are not meant to be ours. I think there are people in life that we are not meant to be close to, they’re better at a distance. And I think that was the fundamental issue in my friendship with Mary (name changed). Closeness was our poison. We were alike enough to like each other and different enough to not be boring. But if you dig deep those differences grow. When we became so highly involved in each other’s lives the chasm of differences became apparent. There are differences that make someone interesting and therefore acceptable and then there are differences that are so opposite of you it’s like trying to mix together oil and water. No matter how much you want them to mix, they’re going to keep separating. They simply do not blend together.

These differences created problems. It would be so easy to sum this all up with pointing fingers: She did this and I did that, yada yada…Who’s to blame? I don’t think there is blame. I’m sure we can both point fingers but those issues themselves are not what broke the camel’s back. Issues can be talked through and changed. But you can’t change something about a person that is at the base of who they are. The fact is Mary and I view many things in the world very differently. We interpret events and people differently. We expect different things out of life and people. We have different standards. Our worldviews are oil and water.

A major life event showed us how wide these differences were and the effect they had on our friendship. I needed to put some space between us while I processed how I felt about it all. One part of me raged, one part of me felt lost and sad, and a small part of me was a voice of reason telling me to not make any decisions until the rage and sadness had ebbed away. What I wanted was a little less closeness, a little less conversation, a little less seeing each other. Perhaps that way we could find an equilibrium. But Mary confronted me about my distance and my rage and sadness hadn’t ebbed yet. We didn’t fight, we didn’t accuse. I expressed how I’d been feeling (the emotional/logical jumble that it was) and she responded calmly. But in that conversation was the realization that there were differences in each other that we were not able to accept and it caused cracks in our trust. Perhaps if my logical side had been ruling we might have been able to find a way to scale things back, to set boundaries. Instead my emotions got the better of me and I was tired of trying to find all the right answers. My answer in that moment was to say I felt it was better for both of us to go our separate ways.

I don’t regret that decision. My friendship with Mary had a lot of good memories and warm feelings in it. I treasure that. I also treasure the emotional calm I’ve had since then. It might not have been the best course to take but it has been a good course for me. It has been a weight off my heart and body to not live under the strain of trying to make something work that just wasn’t working anymore.

I’m not sure what to call us now. We haven’t turned our backs on each other, we aren’t ignoring each other. We’re no longer connected on social media sites, but a couple of text messages have been exchanged. I guess it’s like when you reconnect with someone you were close to in high school and as much as you loved them you just can’t quite find a place to fit them into your life anymore, so you’re friendly in passing and maybe once a year find time to grab a coffee and catch up. Perhaps one day we”ll get that coffee together and maybe we’ll figure a way to be each other’s friend without history repeating itself.

To be honest, I’ve been sad. That emotion has not gone away. I’ve teared up writing this. I’ve had about as much heartbreak going through this as I did when I broke up with my first love. It’s never easy or simple to lose someone no matter why they were lost. I’ve wished there was an instruction manual, a social code of some kind, on how to deal with this. Everyone knows what you do and what you say and everyone’s supportive when you go through a divorce. But if you split from a friend people get weirdly quiet about it. Like its arsenic to mention let alone ask how someone is doing. I don’t like tip-toeing personally. Which I guess is why I’ve put this “letter to burn” here on display. To maybe put an end to the tip-toeing. To answer the questions people won’t ask.

So there you have it. Now let me grab the match-box. *flames*

 

• Friends Forever? Bullshit! Part 1

Friends Forever? Bullshit! Part 1

We’ve been fed this idea by television and movies and middle school reading list’s books that we’re supposed to have at least one friend that sticks around for life. That’s what is normal, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. That is what we should all expect.

Bullshit!

A friend sticking around for life is not the status quo. Its something rare. The fact is that friends are transient.

In a recent interview with Katie Couric, friendship expert and author Irene Levine said this:

“Some friendships last a lifetime, but the truth is most don’t.  In fact, the average friendship only lasts seven years.” (“Surviving a Friend Breakup”; Katie’s Take 10/30/2012)

Why? Because people change. When people change their relationships often change. Some friendships are able to adapt and continue but many are scaled back or end.

Friendship breakups are not easy.

“Experts at Manchester University claim the bonds of friendship are so deep that splitting with even unwanted pals leads to ‘terrible’ guilt. And women in particular find it more traumatic to dump their friends than they do their lovers.”(The Daily Telegraph, April 13, 2010)

Irene Levine surveyed 1500 women to write her book Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, and came up with this list for why friendship breakups are so hard to do.

1) Breakups carry a great deal of social stigma because our  society often judges people, especially women, by their ability to make  and keep friends.So when a relationship ends, people tend to  see it as a character flaw: Someone betrayed or let the other person  down. In reality, this is rarely the case. People change and no two  lives follow the same trajectory so why don’t we leave room for the  possibility that many breakups are no-fault occurrences and that some  friendships simply have expiration dates?

2) Sometimes a relationship works for one person and not the other. If you’re the person who has been blissfully engaged in a friendship with  someone you thought would be your best friend forever, there’s no easy  remedy for not feeling like you’ve been dumped when you’re suddenly cut  loose summarily, often without any warning. One-sided breakups are  especially hard to execute, discuss and accept.

3) We all have a natural reluctance to let go of something we know (even if it isn’t particularly good) rather than risk the  uncertainty of something new. Many women I surveyed were afraid to let go of toxic friendships because they felt like everyone else is  already paired up, like the animals on Noah’s ark. Whether young or  older, they felt it was too late to meet new friends. This is a strong  disincentive to healthy endings and healthy beginnings.

4) As compared to marriages, there are no social rituals to fall back upon that are associated with breaking up with friends.Not to trivialize the pain and complexities of divorce, but at least  there are some rules. Close friends usually encircle the person who is  going through a divorce but when someone loses a friend, people are  reluctant to talk about what happened. Both the dumped and the dumper  suffer in silence, feeling either shame or blame, respectively.

5) Unfortunately, any breakup has consequences that extend beyond the two people directly involved in the breakup.Very often, the friendship involves connections with other family  members and friends. In the case of friends in the workplace, the  breakup spills over to colleagues and co-workers. When a friendship  ends, it may make other collateral relationships more tenuous.  (thefriendshipblog.com Aug 10 2011)

I’ve seen it on cutesy photos and heard it from people’s mouths – “Friends are the people that came and never left”. I’ve heard it said that if a person can walk away from a friend that it must have been fake, that they were never a real friend. Both of those statements are false.

Friends are the people who are there for you for whatever time you are lucky enough to have them in your life. A friendship that ends wasn’t fake, it just doesn’t work any longer.

Friendships that are succesful and those that last are usually built on common values and having similar life paths. By my own life experience I believe that the biggest time of friendship changes happen in your mid to late twenties. Previous to this, life has had most of us all on the same life schedule. But then some decide to go after higher education degrees, some get married and/or have kids, some start careers. We diverge onto these paths that change us. And the people we had so much in common with before have a completely different set of values and priorities. And for some people these differences don’t mesh.

The message is this – Value the friends while you have them. Appreciate what your friends bring to your life. Don’t think you can control life. Don’t hold on too tight. People are going to come and go. Show them what they mean to you while you have them. And be at peace when life takes you different ways. Don’t be like me who for so long fell for the BFF hype. I thought that I was the one left out when everyone else seemed to have that friend forever. It caused me hurt, made me feel rejected. But that wasn’t reality.

I have good friends in my life. I want them to last a long time. Will they be forever? Maybe not. But that’s life. Maybe I’ll get lucky and one will stick around till we’re wrinkled and grey. But for now I’m just going to enjoy them while I have them and hope they continue to enjoy me too

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