Fact of life is that we aren’t going to be friends with everyone we meet. We aren’t going to like or get along with everyone. There are just personalities in this world that don’t go well together. There are people you will meet and just know that you have no interest in being friends, something doesn’t click. We go with our gut and move along.
But some people can actually make you sick. Those people are given the term “toxic”. Have you ever walked away from a meeting or get together and just felt emotionally drained or sad or relief that you’ve gotten away? It’s likely because you were around someone who is toxic to you.
Toxic people aren’t necessarily bad people. Obviously if you’re around someone that’s been rude or hurt you then you aren’t going to be comfortable around them. But most often it’s a personality clash. There are people whose “way” can leave you feeling empty and even sick. Other people might handle them just fine, but something in you goes wrong when you have to be around them.
There are just some people that manage to blindside us and suck the happiness right out of our day just by opening their mouths. Here are some toxic personalities:
- Manipulators: They know how to push the right buttons to get you to do what they want or agree with them.
- Narcissists: They zap all your energy making the focus be all on them but they never give you back the same attention and importance.(Ever had someone talk & talk but when you say something they stop listening?)
- Debbie Downers: They manage to take the happy out of everything. They always find the negative in something and dismiss the positive.
- Judgers: If something isn’t how they like it than it is bad, if an opinion doesn’t agree with them than it is wrong. These people have no openess to individuality. If you aren’t exactly like them, then you’re made to be an awful person in some way.
- Dream Killers: They’re quick to tell you that something is impossible and they’ll point out all the obstacles. They’ll constantly pull you down because they are too afraid themselves to reach for progress and change.
- Insincere Friends: Their responses aren’t genuine. Their laughs are polite, they don’t empathize when you’re sad, they give neither great encouragement nor healthy criticism. The closeness is superficial and they aren’t there when a friend is truly needed.
- Disrespectful People: They are in essence bullies. They’ll tell others something you shared in confidence or use it against you.They’ll try to stick themselves into parts of your life that are none of your business. They will say demeaning things about you because they have no respect for you or for boundaries.
- Vampires: They will suck the life right out of you. They take and take and you keep giving in order to make them happy whether its favors or emotionally. But when you’re worn dry and can’t do anymore they will say you are a bad friend.They will make you feel like you should sacrifice yourself in order to be a good friend.
There are variations on each of these personalities and some are more sly making it difficult to recognize how toxic they are to you. These people usually have no idea that what they are doing is wrong or hurtful most often because no one has ever told them it was wrong. Or they don’t recognize it in themselves because their personality isn’t toxic everyone and so there are plenty of people that they get along with just fine.
No matter if the person does these things knowingly or not or how much they are otherwise a good person, the negative impact they have on you can be profound. You can attempt to talk it out with the person and maybe you’ll get lucky and things can change. Most often you simply have to remove yourself from being around this person. If that is impossible because they’re a coworker or a family member that can not be gotten away from then we have to find a way to weather the storm until it is possible to get away.